They say that someone always finds you, when you need him the most. That he would understand you fully, and would be made for you. That when he comes, your deepest troubles would disappear, your regret would go away, and you, you would start feeling whole again. I know a lot of you might be thinking that this is so lame and it’s the teenage hormones that are talking, but lotsa people think that, even if they don’t wanna admit it..!

It is always easier to ignore the pain, forget it, or just plainly overlook it as a minor defect that just can’t be repaired, but then, I’ve always chosen to feel it, always made it a part of my life, and always lived with it until I sorted it out or it did itself. I guess that’s what makes me different, because all my friends belong to the other category, or the friends I thought I had until they made a joke of me. Its so easy to feel that your being singled out for this treatment, but when you see others handling the same problems you have with an almost carefree ease, it just kind of gets to you. That is what confirms to you that god has made you different, and that you now have no choice but to live with it. And wait, and wait, and wait for that perfect day everyone around you seems to have every single day, to be truly happy and content with your life, and to be at peace with yourself. For surely destiny would have that day for me, when all the people I care about would actually care back and that would be the day when I would smile, not for an obligation, not for anyone else but just for me, savoring the fact that I have something to truly smile about at last, and smile because I want to, not for anyone else and that all of them would smile back. That would be my perfect day.

I used to think that I was this manic depressive, you know just being depressed because I knew no other way of survival, but I’ve found out that its wrong. I can go on numerous shopping sprees, buy absolutely useless things and blow up money, but all that’s because I have to look for that happiness somewhere else, I have to fill that gaping hole in my life that people leave behind when they leave me. Or maybe cause I want everyone to like me, to love me, and maybe if not for what I am but for what I wear or what I say, whatever. But everybody always leaves. Maybe not physically, for I might see them everyday but they might never really care for me anymore, and for me that’s like being on a deserted island in your own house. You just can’t get that sense of comfort or safety that you want and end up being lonely. You just don’t feel at home. 

But It’s Time To Face The Truth.